The fan fic that ruined everything 2
by Jade Snape-Holloway
Summary: The HP gang thought they had it bad when they read typical romance fics. Now they find Mary Sues, cliched plot lines, OOCnes and more. Join them as they're driven insane by you writters!
1. Chapter 1

THE FAN FIC THAT RUINED EVERYTHING 2: THE INSANITY CONTINUES.

A/N: OK, here's the sequel! Hope ya like it!! Please review:)

CHAPTER 1: PERFECTLY EVIL

Harry was on his computer late one night. It had been many months since he discovered fan fiction and he'd had intense therapy to deal with the things he had seen. Still, he sometimes had nightmares about him and Snape.

So as Harry typed his name into random search engines, he noticed a web site: The potato chip in his hands dropped to the ground and his eyes became round with fear. "There's another one?!?!?!"

Harry looked around shiftily. He had already seen such bad things, nothing on that web site could be worse, right? He clicked it. "Well, this isn't so bad...Looks pretty professional...Can't be under thirteen to register, so hopefully no idiot fan girls...Hey, maybe there'll be some good stuff on here!"

"Don't you do it, Harry!" Hermione said. Harry jumped. "How do you keep getting in here?!" "Don't worry about it. Yeah, seriously, don't read these! Fan fiction is evil!" Hermione insisted. "Oh, don't be so old lady like. It could be fun!" Ron said, for he had come in after Hermione. "Really? More fun then you and Ginny?" Hermione asked, raising her eyebrow. Ron fainted at the memory.

"Hermione look. This is a really good looking web site. Surely they don't allow stuff that bad!" Harry said, clicking on the romance section. "Of course they do. And don't call me Shirley!" Hermione said, then she looked surprised. "See? I'm already acting weird!"

"Well, I'm reading stories, so bite me," Harry said. He scrolled down through the huge page of stories. "See? These look alright. No bizarre ships yet"  
"Hey, that one looks good," Ron said, pointing to a story called, 'The Amazing Girl Who is Not Voldemort's Daughter.'

"I think I know where this is going," Hermione said dully. Then she saw the author's pen name: HaRrYlUvEr4eVeR. "This is not going to end well."

"Don't be so negative, Hermione. This fics gotten 300 reviews! It must be pretty good," Ron reasoned.  
Before Hermione could say anything else about the story, Harry clicked on it.

The fic went like this:

YEAH, KK, IM SICK OF U GUYZ SAYIN DAT MA CHARRIES R ZUES!111 SO JUS 2 PROOVE IT 2 U I'M GONNA MAK HER TA BIGGEST BITCH IN DA WORLD. SO GET A LIFE LOOZERZ!1!!!

"Oh my god," Hermione gasped. "I think this person has suffered a severe head injury! Look at all those simple mistakes"  
They read on:

Raven Mirishka Serna Serenity La fey Riddle was da bestest wich in da hole world but she had a sooper dark secret!!!111 she didn't no she was a wich till she waz 16 she came to Hogwardz on a dark and stormy night everyone waz in da great hall eating ron was talkin wit his mouth full an hermy waz bossing everone around and stuff dumbledore waz standin up 'ok peeps, we got dis new stoodent an she is lyk OMG really kwel so be nice 2 her even do she spetchal-

"OK, that's enough!" Hermione sobbed. He was tugging at her hair and crying. "I can't take the stupidity"  
"Wow," Ron said. "I can feel my brain cells dieing, one by one"  
"That was the worst thing I have ever witnessed, and I was a death eater!" Snape said.

They all turned around when they heard a noise. Footsteps, running up and down the stairs. "What do you think that is?" Ginny whispered.  
"I have no idea, but it doesn't sound good," Dumbledore said.

There was a creaking sound in the attic. More footsteps.  
"Something's in the house!" Fred gasped.  
"Well, duh!" George said.

"Hi guys!" Voldemort cried.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" They all screamed, running for cover.  
It was horrible. Voldemort was standing there with…..DONALD TRUMP HAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!

"What the hell happened to your head?!?!" Harry shrieked.  
"I got sick of you all calling me Baldemort, so I got a hair transplant!" Voldemort announced, running his hands through his hair.

"Good god, Voldemort, that's the most horrible thing you've ever done!" Ron sobbed.

"DADDY!!" Someone on the top of the stairs squealed. A beautiful girl with raven black hair came running to Voldemort and wrapped her arms around him.

"Who the hell are you?" Voldemort asked.  
"Don't be silly! I'm your daughter Raven!" Said the girl.  
"Oh my god, she's the girl from the fic!!!" Draco screamed.  
"That's no girl," Hermione gasped. "That's a MARY SUE!!!!"

"I'm not a Sue! I'm an original character!" Raven cried.  
"Your about as original as sliced bread…Or something like that." Hermione said, frowning.

"I'm Raven, too!" Cried another black haired girl. "Me too," "me too," "so am I," "I am too!" said tons of the raven haired girls. They were running up to Voldemort chanting, "Daddy!"

"GET OUT OF THE HOUSE!!! THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!!!" Dumbledore screamed.

"Ron, get Hermione out of here while I make a brave attempt to save everyone and die heroically in the process!" Harry shouted.  
"OK, sounds good!" Ron said, pulling Hermione out the door.

"HIIII YA!!" Snape cried, karate chopping one of the Sues. She kept jumping back up saying, "Severus, I can save you from your lifetime of pain!"

"HELP ME!!!!!" Draco screamed. Tons of bleach blond Mary Sues were swarming in on him, saying "Draco! We're your long lost sister!" "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!" He screamed as he was dragged to the ground and disappeared under the wave of Sues.

Ron was trying to bash out a window to escape while Hermione called the police. Harry was busy throwing curses at the Harry'sLongLostSister!Sues and Voldemort was screaming as the Voldemort'sDaughter!Sue's attacked.

"Hi Hermione! I'm your American cousin!" Said a blond Sue.  
"Die, bitch!" Hermione screamed, punching the Sue in the face.

Suddenly-

"AAAAAAAAAAAAA!! NOOOOOO!!" The Sues started running away, abandoning their victims and trying to escape.

Standing in the center of the room was a crazy looking old guy with a net. He was swinging it at the Sues and screaming random threats.  
An American!Sue got caught in it. "Help me!" She cried. "No one's gonna help you now, Sue!" He cackled and destroyed her.

When the last Sue had jumped out a window, he stopped cursing them and put down the net. The old guy looked around at the terrified characters.  
"Well? What did you do?" He demanded.

Everyone looked at each other. "Huh?"

"I said what did you do to bring them here? Do you have any idea how dangerous Mary Sues are? You could have all had your souls sucked out! Is that what you want?"

Everyone looked down. "No, crazy old guy. We're sorry."

"Good. My names Syrus Smiter. I'm a bad fan fiction hunter and Mary Sues are about as bad as you can get," the old guy said.

"How did you know they were here?" Hermione asked him.

"I could just tell," Syrus said mysteriously.

"So what did you do with them?" Ron asked.

"I sent them back to the depths of hell, where they belong," Syrus said. "Now, let's see what we're dealing with." He sat down at the computer desk, butterfly net aside. "Ah, Not bad considering some of them I've seen, but evil nonetheless," Syrus squinted at the screen. " 'The Amazing Girl Who is Not Voldemort's Daughter'? You should have known that was a Sue!"

"I tried to tell them!" Hermione said angrily.

"It had 300 reviews, so we thought it would be good!" Ron said.

"Well, let's take a look at some of them, shall we?" Syrus asked, clicking on the reviews button.

'Oh dear god, I actually thought I was going to die when reading that. Never write anything again for the sake of human kind,' read the first review.

'You're the worst writer on the web. Raven is a Sue and you suck.'

'I hate you for this. Learn to spell.'

'Go back to kindergarten and learn how to spell simple words.'

'Wow. How did you get on this web site as a writer when you're so obviously two years old?'

"Oh my god, those reviews are horrible!" Voldemort said.

"Lets leave one!" George said excitedly. He knocked Syrus out of the chair and typed, "I hope you burn in hell for this story. You can't write a good story and you can't spell. Let me put this in words you can understand: OMG!!!11 U lyk, suck!'

"Jeez, George. Your cruel," Ginny said, reading his flame.

"Sometimes it's the only way, missy," Syrus told her sadly. "I've seen my fair share of horrid writers, and let me tell you, there's no getting through to them. They seem to think we're jealous of their abilities."

"You mean the ability to write like a retarded monkey?! I most certainly am not jealous!" Voldemort cried.

"None of us are, but you try telling them that," Syrus said, shaking his head.

"Well, this is horrible. Look, there's a ton of stories that have potential to be Sues!" Harry said desperately, scrolling down the page of romance fics. "Who ever invented romance fics should be subjected to Sues!"

"Fan fiction was invented in the 1970s when people would send their fan stories to Star Trek fan magazines. Also invented in that time was slash, lemons, Mary Sues, and the first Mary Sue parody, written by a women who was sick of seeing perfect OC's," Hermione informed everyone.

Ron rolled his eyes. "Let me guess, Fan Fics, a History?"

"No, Wikipedia."

"But I don't understand, Syrus. Why would people write such horrible things as Mary Sues?" Harry asked.

"That's something we don't know yet. As far as we in the Fic hunting business are concerned, the Suethors are insane," Syrus said.

"OK, now what do fan fic hunters do?" Fred asked.

"We roam from fan web site to fan web site searching for sickening fics and Mary Sues," Syrus explained.

"And what do you do with the bad fics when you've found them?" Dumbledore asked him.

"Oh, we punish the authors severely, destroy the fic, send Sue back to hell, restore characters to IC-ness, the usual," Syrus said. 

"You mean there are more things as bad as Sues?!?! Wow, we thought we had seen the worst with typical romance stories!" Hermione gasped.

Syrus laughed bitterly. "Oh, you've seen some bad ones, but you haven't seen the worst of the ships and pairings yet!"

"NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOO!!!!" All the characters screamed.

"Yup."

"But how will we avoid them?" Snape cried.

"You can't avoid them. They're everywhere. All you can do is learn what signs to look for in a story so you don't have to get the full dose of evil," Syrus said.

"Are you going to teach us how?" Hermione asked eagerly.

"If you want me to. I-" Syrus started, but then he frowned and went under the desk.

"What's wrong?" Harry asked.

"Looks like you guys have clicked on the wrong story," Syrus told them. He came back up. "There's a big blue porthole under there. Ya know why?"

Everyone shook their heads.

"Because that story opened the porthole from the fiction world to here. This is dangerous. That's how the Sues got here!"

"What can we do?!" Ginny cried.

"I'm on it," Harry said as he pushed Ron in front of the porthole. "See? The problems gone!"

"That's never going to work, you imbecile! Look, Ron's been sucked into the fiction world! Are you happy now?" Snape demanded.

Harry shrugged.

"OK, kids, stop fighting and let's get on with life. Next stop, THE TWILIGHT ZONE!!!" Syrus cried.

"Why are you so weird?"

END OF CHAPTER ONE.

A/N: Next chapter they'll be dealing with OOC-ness! Please review:D 


	2. Chapter 2: OOCness

THE FAN FIC THAT RUINED EVERYTHING 2.

A/N: REVIEW. THIS. CHAPTER. (please)

CHAPTER 2: OOCNESS.

It was very early in the morning. Too early.  
Everyone was up and still staring at the computer screen, their eyes looking something like this: O.O So far Syrus had showed them what to look for in Mary Sue fiction. They had learned all about transfer students, Cannon!Sues, cannon's daughter Sues, and the various other forms of evil.

"OK, I think you guys have had enough of the Sues," Syrus said when he saw Voldemort sitting in a corner muttering, " I have a daughter. I have a daughter," over and over.

"Please tell me that's all we have to suffer through!" Harry begged.

"I'm afraid not. There's still much more to be dealt with," said Syrus.

"Guys? Shouldn't we be trying to get Ron out?" Hermione asked nervously.

"Nah, he'll find his way out," Syrus said nonchalantly.

Syrus scrolled through countless pages of fan fiction until he came across a particular one. "Here we go. Yep, this looks promising."

"What is it?" Ginny asked.

"Listen to the summary: 'Darko and Hermyonee becum hed boy n gurl. Dumbledork lets them share a room n stuff.'" Syrus read. Everyone started ranting about the absurdity of that, but he clicked it non the less.

He turned to them before they could see the fic. "I'm warning you now, this is not going to be pretty. It's going to feature much OOC-ness and will probably be very disturbing. I'm only showing you this so you'll understand."

The fic went a like this:

'Hermyonee wuz walkin down da train 2 get her seet. She looked really good now, too. Her hair wuz nut frizzy anymore, it wuz long n brown wit blond streaks. She was wearin a blak bra wit no shirt n and mini skirt wit thigh high boots. She wuz a hed gurl now, so she lyk, didn half 2 where da ugly uniforms.

Suddenly she saw Drako walkin down da train, 2. He also looked hot, wit his platinum blond hair n blue eyes n stuff.

"Oh Hermyonee, ur hott, Let's go half sexx." Drako said.

"No darko, I don luv u! I luv ron!" Hermyonee screamed n ran away cryin.

De next day she ran into Drako. He looked hot.

"Can we half sex now?" Draco asked her.

"No, Hermyonee is wif me no!" ron said, pulling Hermyonee down da corridor.

"Buy I luv her!" Dracko cried.

"Dats so sweet. K, I luv u 2!" Hermyonee cried. She crucioed ron n walked away wif dracko.

DE END!'

"I WOULD NEVER DRESS OR ACT LIKE THAT!!!!!!" Hermione screamed, punching the desk. Everyone stared at her wide eyed and fearful.

"Umm, anyway…..Let's look at something else…" Syrus said slowly. He found one that said, 'Hermione goes away for the summer and when she comes back she has to struggle with being gothic at Hogwarts.'

It said.

' Hermione had gone to America for her summer vacation. When she was there she discovered goth people. She decided to be one cause she thought they were just so cool! It's not like they have goth people or punks in Brittan of anything. Also, she became goth cause of her horrible life. She found out she was adopted by pure blood vampires and started hating mud bloods. The Grangers weren't her parents anymore, so they became abusive.'

"This is just sick," Hermione spat. "I mean, why even write a fic with me in it if your going to destroy me so?! Just make her a Mary Sue and be done with it!"

"Don't ever wish for a Mary Sue, girly!" Syrus said angrily. He clicked on another fic, one that was about Harry.

They all leaned around the computer to read.

'Harry was walking down the corridor angstly. He was sick of all the pressure of being the Boy Who Lived.  
"Harry! Voldemort is back!" Ron cried. "I don't care! You defeat Voldemort! Angst. Angst. Angst," Harry said, banging his head against the wall. '

"Why would I ever act like that?!" Harry cried. Everyone shook their heads.

"There's lot's of these about every character. Some worse then others," Syrus told them, leaving that web site.  
"I've seen Dumbledore trying to be goth by listening to Avril Lavigne and dying his hair black. He also called his students 'mother….well, you know the end of that."

Dumbledore fainted.

"Yeah, the author got over 4000 solid bad reviews. She gets more and more everyday. Mostly from fellow bad fic hunters," Syrus said, ignoring Dumbledore's body. "It would be sad if I didn't hate her."

"So now what do we do?" Harry asked.

"We-AAAAAA!!!" Syrus cried, jumping up out of the desk chair. Ron's face had appeared in the computer screen. He was banging his fits on the other side of the computer.

"LET ME OUT OF HERE!!!" He screamed, though the sound was muffled from the glass.

"Ah, you'll figure it out," Ginny said, leaving the web site. "OK, who wants Pop Tarts?"

END OF CHAPTER 2

A/N: Next time I think they'll deal with super freaky ships! Please review:D 


	3. Chapter 3: whats wrong with shippers

THE FAN FIC THAT RUINED EVERTHING 2.

A/N: Thanks to all the people who reviewed! Hope this chapters good! )

CHAPTER 3: WHAT'S WRONG WITH SHIPPERS TODAY?

The OOC-ness of the last few fics had led the Cannon Characters to act a little OOC themselves. Hermione, for example, was actually drinking fire whiskey.

Syrus turned to all of them.  
"Are you ready to go where no Cannon Character has gone before? Into the realm of freaky ships?"

"What do you mean? Other characters read this stuff all the time. And besides, we've already seen all the bad ships out there," Harry told him.

Syrus laughed. "Oh, you poor naive little boy! Tell me, have you ever seen a Lily/Harry fic?"

"WHAT?!?!?!" They all screamed. Harry threw up several times.

"Alright then, you haven't seen all of them," Syrus turned back to the computer. As he clicked on the romance section, he started saying, "You are entering another dimension. One not of sight and sound, but of shippers who are out of their minds. You are entering…..The ROMANCE ZONE!!!" Then he started humming The Twilight Zone theme song until Voldemort smacked him in the head.

"OK, here we go…. Oh ho yeah! This is gonna be bad!" Syrus said, for some reason sounding happy while all the others were nervous as hell. Harry was praying for no Lily/Harry, while Ron was praying for no Ginny/Ron.

"It says, 'Snape realizes he can't live his life without Hermione so they get to together and no one thinks that's weird,' " Syrus read. As everyone groaned, he clicked on it.

'Hermione was in potions class with Harry and that other one. She kept seeing Snape look at her with what could have only been love (at this point, the real characters died, but then came back to life). After she made her potion perfectly, he made her stay behind. "OK," said Harry, who was lifting weights.  
"Yes, professor?" Hermione asked sexily.  
"I love you," Snape said, clearing everything off his desk and setting her on it.  
"Isn't that a little weird?" Hermione asked as she took off her shirt.  
"What? That a fifty something dude is about to do it with a teen? What's possibly weird about that? Oh yeah, the author decided that's legal here, even though it's gross."'

Syrus stopped reading and looked at Hermione and Snape, who were avoiding each other's eye.  
"For some reason, this is a pretty popular ship. Course, it's much better when it features Hermione as an adult," he said.

"Maybe for you it is!" Hermione screamed, slopping whiskey down her front as she took another shot.

"Since the author hasn't read any Lily/Harry, but is still disgusted by the thought, there isn't any here. But just for fun, let's look at Snape/Draco!"

"NOOOOO!!!" Draco screamed, forgetting that he was dead for a minute.

Syrus ignored the scream from the dead and clicked on it anyway. It went like this:

' "Hey, Draco, your mother asked me to protect you. I'm just gonna sleep with you, that ought to cover it." Snape said.

"Kay." Said Draco.'

"Ugh! How horrible!" Dumbledore said. "Severus, I think I might have to fire you."

"I'd quit if you didn't, sir," Snape shuddered.

"Oh, look! An human/animal fic!" Syrus cried, going to that fic. Everyone else fainted.

'Harry was sitting outside the lake, watching the giant squid. He decided that that squid was damn sexy and began doing something with it that was probably illegal everywhere. Later Harry had a few squid/human babies and again, no one found this weird.'

"I wonder which one of you would be the woman?" Ron laughed. Harry glared at him. "Ron/Ginny," he said. Ron started crying.

"Please tell me that's all the bad ships out there!" Ginny begged.

"Sorry, little lady. There's plenty more where these came from!" Syrus said sadly.

All the cannon characters moaned and flopped back onto their chairs or on the floor.

Syrus turned around in the chair and looked at Hermione gravely. "Hermione, if you thought you had it bad with Draco and Snape, your about to be horrified," and he clicked on the next fic. For some reason, everything went in slow motion.

Syrus had just started reading the Hermione/Ginny fic when Hermione stood up and started throwing curses at the computer.

"YOU HAVE INSULTED ME FOR THE LAST TIME, STUPID MUGGLE INVENTION!!!"

"Wow! Hermione, calm down! At least you don't get paired with your mother!" Harry cried, dragging Hermione away from the computer.

"OK, kids. That's enough freakish romance for today. I guess your already aware of the whole Fred/George, incest ships out there? And even though those are disturbing, there's worse then that. Hell, I've seen Snape/ Slughorn before!"

And they all threw up a little.

END OF CHAPTER 3.

A/N: Hope you all review. Man some people have weird ideas for ships, don't they? It's like if it moves, it can be shipped. Next chapter will be about all that weird fic stuff, like cannon rape, M-preg, and Snape is Harry's Father fics. (Not that all fics like that are bad, but it's over done.) 


	4. Chapter 4: EVIL!

THE FAN FIC THAT RUINED EVERYTHING 2 

A/N: Wow! I got a lot of reviews on that last chapter! Hope y'all like this one! (did I just say y'all?)

CHAPTER 4: THE EVILNESS CONTINUES.

Harry, Ron, Hermione, and the others were staring at the computer screen with looks of utmost horror on their faces.  
Syrus had left the world of disturbing ships and entered a part of fan that was truly terrifying. It didn't have a name, but there was some messed up stuff in there.

"Are you guys ready for this?" Syrus asked in a low voice.

The nodded, though Harry was shaking.

Dumbledore came up to them. "I've got some suicide pills here if it gets too bad," he whispered.

It seemed to go in slow motion as Syrus clicked on the first fic. Something about someone being pregnant.

"Well, that can't be too bad. Who doesn't love a little baby?" Hermione reasoned.

"Trust me, it's bad," Syrus said and he began to read.

" 'Harry stayed behind in potions class one day. Things hadn't been the same between him and Snape ever since they-' wow, now! There could be children reading! I'll just skip that part…Ahem, 'Harry had taken a pregnancy test because he felt weird. Now he knew something was wrong.  
"Professor, I'm pregnant." Harry announced to his stunned professor.  
"Oh my god! This is incredible! I'm a father!" Snape cried. They lived happily ever after.' "

"THAT IS SO WRONG ON SO MANY LEVELS!!!!" Hermione screamed. "HOW DOES EVERYONE FAIL TO QUESTION THAT?!?!?! AND WHAT MAN SAYS 'OH, I FEEL WEIRD. LET ME TAKE A PREGNANCY TEST?!?!?!?"

"I feel your pain, Hermione, I really do, but that's just what happens in fan fiction," Syrus told her.

Snape was trying to swallow all the suicide pills at once, but Dumbledore was stopping him.

"Yeah, the damn writers do that crap all the time. Trust me, us bad fic hunters have a helluva time rounding up all these fics and arresting their authors. Theirs just so many. Then with all the Sues running around seducing people, it's a wonder we have time for anything!" Syrus said. "Look at all this! There's pregnant Ron, Draco, Harry, basically everyone but the girls, which I find very odd."

"Please tell me that's as bad as it gets!" Harry begged. "I feel so dirty now. I need to take a shower." And with that, Harry went upstairs to wash the bad fic off of him.

"Snape, hold on to those pills. Things are about to get REAL ugly," Syrus said, clicking on a particular story.

"It's shocking how many people write about you being Harry's father, but they just keep doing it." DISCLAIMER: Not all Snape-Is-Harry's-Father fics are horrible. But it's really weird, people.

Syrus cleared his throat and began reading. "Ahem. 'Harry woke up one morning and looked in the mirror. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!" He screamed, for his hair was now long and greasy. His nose was hooked. His eyes were dark black. He looked like a mini Snape! "WTF?!?" He ran out of his dorm to Dumbledore's office. "Dumbledore! What's going on?! I look like Snape!!" Harry screamed.  
"Ah, yes. I wondered when this change would come about. You see, you are Snape's son." Dumbledore told him.  
Harry fainted, but then came back.  
"But why do I look like him now?" He asked.  
"Oh, a simple spell that kept you from knowing you were his son until you were 17." Dumbledore told him.  
"What's the point in that"  
"I dunno. Go see your new daddy!" Dumbledore instructed, waving him away.  
Harry wondered down the corridors to Snape's office. When he reached it, he found Snape packing his bags.  
"Professor, I'm your son." He said.  
"I know, m'boy! isn't it wonderful?! Now I can stop being mean to you and love you and your friends!" Snape cried, hugging Harry, who was overcome with love for his new daddy. "But wait dad. How can you be my father?" He asked, pulling away.  
"Oh, I raped your mother"  
"That's suddenly OK!" Harry said. "Dad? Can I sleep in your bed tonight"  
"That's totally normal! Of course"  
THE END.' "

"What….was that?" Harry gasped.

"That was the power of ridiculousness," Syrus said. "There's tons more where that came from, but it doesn't really matter. They all seem something like that."

"So what else is there?" Hermione asked dully.

"Ohhh…Let's try….Truth or dare fics!" Syrus said, clicking on the next fic.

It went like this:

' "Hey, where are all the adults?" Harry asked, coming into the common room which was for some reason full of Slytherins, Hufflepuffs, and Ravenclaws.

"They had to leave so we decided to play truth or dare!" Hermione said excitedly.

"With the whole school?" Harry asked.

"The. Whole. School," Hermione growled. She enchanted a bottle to spin around and whoever it landed on couldn't lie.

Every student in the school sat in a circle. The bottle pointed at Ginny. "Who do you have a crush on?" Hermione asked, because that's the thing to ask in this game.

"Well, this may come as a shock…but it's Harry!" Ginny said. Everyone gasped. WHAT ARE THE CHANCES?!?!?

"Wow! I had no idea!" Harry cried, and Ginny jumped on him.

"OK, Fred, your turn," Hermione said.

"I'm George."

"Like it matters. Anyway, what do you pick? Truth or dare?" Hermione demanded.

"Dare!"

"Make out with Snape!" Hermione insisted.

"WHAT?!?!?" George and Snape screamed. Snape came back just to play with them. "I'm SO not doing that!"

"It's the law! You want me to have you thrown in Azkaban?!" Hermione threatened.  
George sighed and started making out with Snape.

The bottle landed on Draco. "Who do you have a crush on? Hermione asked him.  
Of course, the bottle was enchanted, so he couldn't lie. "You."

"Oh, that's so sweet! You know, I don't think I hate you anymore!" Hermione squealed and started kissing him.'

"OK! This is ridiculous!" The real Hermione shouted. "I can't believe people actually DO this! Aren't there any other games? They could play I Never once!"

"Hermione, that wouldn't be clichéd then, would it?" Syrus said. "You put to much stock in these cliché writers."

"Well, let's get on with it. What else is there?" Harry sighed.

"Hey, here's one starring you, Ginny!" Syrus exclaimed.

"Oh crap," Ginny muttered.

' Ginevera walked to the train. Her hair was now spiked with green tips and she was dressed in hip huggers, a tube top, and stiletto heels. She was wearing black lip stick and smoky eye shadow.  
Hermione was there too. She was wearing a mini skirt and a pink halter top. They had curves in all the right places and looked hot.

Course, they had gotten a personality make over, too, so now they walked around putting unforgivable curses on all the first years.  
Everyone who saw ran away screaming.  
Harry and Ron walked up meekly to them. "Here are your muffins, your highness!" Harry squeaked, dropping a plate of muffins in front of Hermione.

"Damn right there my muffins, mother !!!" Hermione screamed, hexing him into oblivion.  
"You go girl. We're so hot," Ginny said.  
"Damn right we are, bitch!" Hermione yelled, smacking Ginny in the face, but she didn't seem to mind.  
"So what 21st century music did you bring?" She asked her badass friend.

Ginny pulled out some CD's from her bag. "I got Green Day, Linken Park, Evanescence, and Good Charlotte. You"  
"I got the same, dumb ass!" Hermione snarled.  
"I love our new personalities!" Ginny cried and started eating a random first year.'

"Why? Why would someone change us like that?" Hermione sobbed. She and Ginny were hugging each other and crying.

"Well, that's badass!Hermione and Ginny for ya," Syrus said, patting them on the back. "I'm sorry you had to see that."

"Why do these writers hate us so much?" Snape asked.

"They don't. They also have no sense and no respect for the canon world they fell in love with," Syrus told them gently.

"What's going to happen to us now?" Ron asked.

"Well, people will keep writing you guys into unlikely and horrifying situations. Oh, and just so you know, don't walk into any conveniently placed broom closets in Hogwarts. You could be trapping yourself in a smutty romance fics because closets seem to get a lot of action," Syrus warned.

"Is there anything we can do to stop this?" Voldemort begged.

"No, I'm sorry," Syrus said, hanging his head. "The only thing we can do is try to make people aware of the problem."

"Hey, look," Ginny said, wiping away her tears and walking over to your computer screen. "There seems to be some glass over here…..Almost like a window…"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!" Shrieked Harry. "WE'RE IN A FAN FIC!!!!"

"NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

THE END!

A/N: Well, thanks for reading! And reviewing, of course! Please review this chapter! And not everyone who writes Truth or Dare fics are annoying. They're just cliche so I had to do them.

PROTECT CANON. DON'T WRITE CRAP.


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